The Day the World Stopped
by Gildra Evestar
Summary: My first SVU fic and kinda dark. No pairing yet. I don't want to say really anything else incase I give it away. R&R please
1. Chapter 1 Memory

Disclaimer: I own nothing…although I wish I did….  
My first SVU fanfic please R&R

She held her head in her hands as the world spun around and around. She didn't know where she was, she didn't want to know, and in fact she was fairly sure she didn't want anyone else to know. How did she get here? She did not know that either. She had been on her way home…no wait…she had stopped for a drink, at a local bar. A man. A man had bought her a drink. Yes, but she had felt tired and ill and wanted to go home. The man offered to help her…help here where? To her car? Home? No she was not in either of those familiar places. Why? Why was she not at home? As the world began to slow its ever turning movement, and her eyes began to focus on the world around her she began to look for things. Important things. Her cell. Where was her cell? In her pocket? Yes! She remembered having it in her pocket. She reached down into her pant pocket…but it was not there…and neither were here pants. A small panicked voice began to scream in the back of here mind. Where, where are her pants? There across the room. She crawled across the floor. They were all there, her pants, her cell, her gun. Thank god her gun. Her badge. No her badge was not there. She scanned the room for her badge, on the nightstand her eyes came to rest. There was her badge. Next to the man, she did not want to wake the man. Although she did not know why, she had a bad feeling about the man. She carefully moved across the hard wood floor to the nightstand. She had her badge. Good. She moved out of the room and found herself in a small apartment. She pulled on her pants, here gun, placed her phone back in her pocket. She saw her jacket next to the door, tossed aside carelessly. She carefully pulled it one. It hurt. Her arms were sore, her shoulders were sore, everything was sore. Why? She was afraid to ask. Afraid to know. She placed her badge on her coat pocket. She heard a noise. The man stirred. "Please don't wake!" She pleaded under her breath. He did not move. He rolled over. She heard him sigh. Without looking back she left the apartment. She walked all the way down the hall, and out the front door. She did not know where she was. She checked her phone for the time. 7:30AM it blinked in the bright green letters. Work, she would go to work. She would not be late and then they would not worry. She would not tell them where she was. They did not need to know. She would never tell them. Never.

AN: I know that it is short and kind of choppy. I was trying to show her confusion. If you don't know who it is then you don't watch enough of the show because there is only one female detective.


	2. Chapter 2 Same Difference

**I own nothing...wish I did...but no...Thanks to my one reviewer (-.- I am happy they reviewed but only one come on people)**

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Elliot was sitting behind his desk when his partner walked into the precinct. "My you're here rather early," he said with a smile. Olivia who had been deep in thought clutched her coat tightly in her arms.

"Mmm, yah," was all she could get out.

"Have a rough night?" Elliot inquired noticing she was in the same clothes she wore yesterday.

"Something like that," her tone soft and distant, she gave a fake smile and hoped Elliot would end the line of questioning now. Munch walked in through the door just as Olivia took her seat behind her own desk. He looked at Liv then at Elliot. Walking over to Elliot's desk he inquired as to not only why Olivia was in so early but also why her attire was the same as the day before. The usually chic detective never wore the same clothes two days in a row unless she had either not been home the night before or had yet to do her laundry. Elliot just shrugged to Munch. Olivia observed the two other detectives behaviour. She found it very rude that they were talking about her when she was sitting in the same room, "Look if you two are done, don't we have a case to work," she snapped at them. They both looked taken aback by her comment _"Keep it together Liv, they can't find out,"_ she thought to herself.

"We have a reported rape, victims at the hospital Liv you want to come?" Munch looked in her direction as he spoke. She really didn't want to deal with her work, but she figured the more normal she was the better off she would be.

"Yeah, sure," she stood up and moved toward the door. She looked back to find both Elliot and Munch staring at her, "What?"

"Nothing, you just seem well tired." Elliot spoke a slight concern in his voice.

"I didn't get much sleep okay," She tried to make her voice sound less worried and more grouchy. It appeared to work because both the male detectives put their hands in the air in an 'I surrender' kind of way.

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At the hospital Olivia and Munch made their way down the starch hallways. The smell of disinfectant was everywhere. They stopped at a door with the name 'Lilly March' typed in a bright green. Munch knocked, and a meak voice came from with in, "Come in." The two detectives entered the room of a young woman. She was around thirty and had strawberry blonde hair.

"Hey, Detectives Munch and Benson," Olivia said with a smile as she pointed to her partner then to herself, "We would like to ask you about what happe-" The lady quickly interrupted her.

"Look, I don't remember what happened okay. I just woke up in the hospital with all the nurses and doctors giving me pitiful looks. Do you know how many times I had to ask them what was wrong before they would tell me!" Anger was rising in Lilly's voice. "When I finally got it out of them, when they finally told me that I was…I was," she let her voice fall to a hush, "raped." before once again raising her voice to a near yell, "I told them they must have got me confused with someone else, because I sure as hell would have remembered if I was…" her voice trailed off. The detectives watched and observed how she very carefully avoided saying the word 'rape' as if the word itself was as bad as the act.

"Did you go anywhere last night, meet anyone?" Munch inquired.

"Look my job can be very stressful, I work as a ad executive, and sometimes I like to go out for a drink after work."

"Where did you go Ms. March?" Liv continued from where Munch left off.

"Two days! That's how long I have been out. Two bloody days! Do you know how pissed my boss is going to be!" she finished off with more spit in her voice then she started with, "She told me 'Now Lilly don't you miss another day, if you do it will be your last' I am soooo screwed!"

"Please answer the question Ms. March," Munch persisted. Lilly sighed before continuing.

"Tony's Tap Room," she let her eyes drifted down to the blanket wrapped around her legs. Bensons heart stopped, she held her breath. That was where she had been only yesterday.

"Thank you, we may have to talk to you again," Munch gave her an apathetic look before turning to leave, "Come on Liv," he beckoned to her when she did not immediately follow. Liv obeyed with an almost trance like state she followed him back out to their car. Once they were both inside the car he spoke, "Rohypnol,"

Was all he said.

"What?" Liv asked confused.

"That's how he kept her so long, he drugged her. The doctors think that the perp has been giving her strong dose every 4-5 hours. When he was done he dumped her on the side of the street. A passer by found her and called 911. He must have got bored,"

"Or found someone new," Liv said without thinking.

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**AN: Mwhahahahahaha...TBC**


	3. Chapter 3 A Changing Tide

**Heylo again, thanks to my few reviewers... I hope that I don't have too many mistakes, I did check it but I useally don't notice until it is too late -.- I don't own any of the character or anything...I have a fairly good idea where this story is going so I should be able to kept updating it regularly. I know that my chaps ar kinda short, but I don't want to drag on and on without relivense to the story. Please R&R**

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Afew weeks had past since they talked to Lilly, and they still had no leads. They had received two more reports with the same MO. All the victims were strong, young, and usually in a position of power at work. A Karmen Stevenson: Paralegal, and a Jenny Wilkins: CEO. They all had gone to the same bar, and all had been drugged. They were held anywhere from a few hours to a few days. As much as the detectives hated to admit it, they were stuck. They had only time to wait for another case, another victim.

Olivia had written all that she could remember about her night, after the second rape was reported. She would keep it, though she never filled out an official report, for that would me she would have to tell her colleagues who all looked at her and say a strong confident women, she kept it in a file at home, under her bed, just in case. She found that once she had done that it would not be as prevalent in her memory, that's what they always said in those self-help books. It worked for the most part, at work she put on the same strong and happy face, and after awhile she began to believe it.

All four detectives sat stumped behind each of their desks, starring at either their white board with the faces of all the victims and the known facts, or at the case files. "I just don't get it," Elliot said suddenly, "Why can't we get this guy? What is he doing that we can't get him?"

"Maybe it's a ghost," Munch offered a joke that was taken well by all but Liv, who just glared at him.

"No, he's real, he's just smarter then us at the moment. That's what happens when he sleeps and we don't," Liv said is a sarcastic tone. The team all knew this was true; none of them had slept in days. Cragen appeared from the doorway of his office.

"Do we have anything new this morning?" he inquired. All four shook their heads 'no' only Fin spoke.

"Only the rain. The rains new," he said with a grin. This brought smiles to all the detectives' faces. Early this morning, or perhaps late last night, it began to rain. A slow and constant down pour that made the depressing case even more so.

"I may have something for you," Cragen began, "I don't think it's the same guy but another rape was reported."

"How is it not the same?" Liv inquired.

"Well," Cragen began, as Huang escorted a young woman into the room, "why don't you talk to her," he motioned to the women. She looked slightly lost and distant, but she was defiantly scared. Fin stood from his seat and offered it to the lady; she took it gracefully thanking Fin for the offer.

"Can you state your name for the record please?" Fin began.

"Eliza Fung," she whispered without lifting her gaze from her purse.

"Can you tell us what happened?"

"I went to the b-bar after a closing, I own a bakery," she sniffled to stop from crying, "I was at Tony's," it was all she had to say they new what she was talking about, "I had a few drinks, then a man approached and offered to buy me a round. I took the offer, I am single and looking," this brought a coy smile to her face, before she returned to her sombre tone, "I didn't think anything of it, but one turned into two turned into three, I didn't want to be rude, but I really had to go home. I have a dog, and I have to feed her at night. He offered to walk me to the car. When I unlocked the door to my car, he hit me over the head and shoved me into the back seat. That's when he…" she looked around, she didn't want to say the word, the word they all knew was coming, the word they all heard to often, "So ya…you know he…ya…" she looked around again hoping they would not make her say the word.

"He raped you?" Olivia offered.

"Yes," she said as tears streamed down her face.

"Did he say anything?" Fin questioned.

"Yes," she paused trying to remember exactly what it was, "Something about 'that I can thank the nice detective for this, cus' she didn't have the guts to stop me' " she looked at each of them, her eyes once again rested on her lap, "I don't understand it, but perhaps you will." She broke into sobs. Huang motioned Liv and Elliot over to him while Munch and Fin tried to calm the girl. As they hung close to the wall the spoke in hushed voices.

"Could it be the same guy? I mean it's the girl was at the same place as the others, but his MO is very different. He didn't drug, or keep this one, and the 'nice detective' thing was new too," Elliot started.

"There are other elements similar too, Eliza was also in a position of power like the others. The suspect has a problem with authority figures, more specifically female authority figures. This issue would have started with his mother, relative, boss, or controlling girl friend," Huang analyzed, "he could have had a run in with a police officer, most likely a detective, who knew about the perps motives. That would explain the comment. What ever the case, I believe it is the same man, and he is escalating." That was the a word that they hated to hear in their business, 'escalating' meant that their perp was getting more violent, it ment more victims in a shorter time, it meant that if he was not caught soon, their was a good chance he would kill.

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**Mwhahahahaha TBC! I got to keep you comeing back some how :)**


	4. Chapter 4 Tangled Web

**Another chapter another web to weave. As per reviewer requests I added a little flashback to discripe the whole DNA thingy so hope its okay. Um ya...I hope you guys all like this chapter...I do have an idea where I am going, I am just trying to get there still so you'll just have to review. Suggestions are welcome, I can't say I will use suggestions, but they do give me more ideas. Um Oh yes, if you find any legal tecnicallities, or other descrepencies let me know so I can improve in later chapters. **

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Liv remained silent as Huang and Elliot spoke, she hardly heard any of the conversation. Only bits and pieces that stuck out in her mind. The comment about the "nice detective" stung. It kept going over and over in her mind, and she began to wonder _"perhaps if I had spoke up, if I had told someone, anyone, there would only be one victim, me, not four others…five"_ she corrected herself. The other words spoken were distant. Without saying a word she moved away from the others, heading down the hallway in a dazed haphazard way.

By the time she reached the bathroom door, she was so out of it that she almost walked into the men's room. She caught herself at the last moment sliding one door over to the lady's. She slid her back down the now closed door. She had to pull herself together, and fast. She knew that she would get awkward looks when she returned. The only thing she had left to do was reassure herself, she had done everything right...

_She had made it through work that day. No more questions, no more looks. After work she drove herself to the clinic. The anonymous one downtown, the one that prostitutes and young teen all went to. She had gotten all the tests done, for pregnancy, and STDs, everything looked promising. She would return in six months for her HIV test. They had offered a rape kit, for evidence, she had told them that she would no be reporting it. They said that they could keep it there until she returned for her last test, six months. She had contemplated the idea for almost two hours. Her detective side battling her personal side, she gave in. Six months to change her mind, six months to speak up, at any moment she could ask for it to be destroyed, or given to the police. Six Long Months..._

There was a knock on the door. Olivia jumped; she wiped a tear from her eye before silently standing up and moving to the sink. She turned on the water, before saying anything, "Yes?"

"Liv?" it was Fin, Liv washed her hands and face in the ice-cold tap water.

"Yes?" she inquired again,

"You okay?" her solemn colleague asked from the other side of the door.

"Can't I go to the bathroom?" she said letting a slight frustration come through her voice. She heard Fin mumble something clearly embarrassed, this made her crack a wide smile before opening the door and finding him standing there.

"Sorry," he mumbled, she just smiled at him. They walked back to the squad room. Eliza was gone. As she looked around she got all the looks she expected to receive. It was kind of an odd moment to go to the bathroom, especially for Liv, who always got so involved in her cases that she would hardlyate,slept or breathed, anything but the case. The only thing for her to do was smile and shrug. As she sat behind her desk her phone rang. Olivia reached for her phone and picked it up slowly.

"Benson speaking,"

"_Is this Olivia?" _A scared female voice came from the other end.

"Yes, whom am I talking to?" she was sure that she had never heard the voice before.

"_Um…Bree-ann," _the voice trailed off. Olivia looked around the squad room and shrugged to the people who were giving her curious looks. She wrote down the girl's name.

"Okay…Bree-ann…how can I help you today?"

"_Are you a detective, are you the detective?" _

"The detective? I am a detective, but I don't know who _the_ detective is," In the pit of her stomach Olivia knew where this was going.

_"Um…well this guy…this man…he told me you would be able to help me,"_

"Help you how?" She felt the eyes in the room narrow in her direction.

"_I am at Saint Andrews," _Olivia wrote it down, they all new the hospital, in fact that was where Lilly had been at when they first interviewed her, _"Do you think you could come down here? I have a rape to…to r-report,"_ The girl lost her composer then and hung up the phone. All the eyes in the squad room rested patiently on their female friend. Olivia hung up the phone.

"We have another victim," was all she needed to say.

"Wow this guy moves fast," Munch said as he leaned back against his chair.

"Elliot you coming?" she asked as she strode to the door, "Dr. Huang, you better come too," Olivia motioned to the two men.

"What did you mean when you said _the _detective, and how did she know you by name?" Elliot got a concerned look on his face,

"Perhaps one of the doctors gave her the name…" Olivia made her voice as sincere as possible, she was lying through her teeth, and she hoped that her colleagues missed it. They rarely missed it when a person was lying. She turned away from them then and grabbed her coat, and without another word she was out the door, "You coming or not?" she shouted from the hall. Huang and Stabler scurried after her.

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With in half an hour they were all walking down the sterile hallways towards the Bree-ann's room. As they entered the room they saw yet another young woman, she was busy working on her computer. "Bree-ann?" Olivia ventured a guess, 

"Yep, How can I help you," she lifted her gaze to see two detectives and another man without a badge standing in her door way, "Oh…it you guy," she folded her lap top and put in on the side table, "Sorry I have a huge presentation for all our investors tomorrow, I really needed to work on it,"

"_Another woman in a position of power,"_ Huang mentally noted.

"You wanted to talk to me," Olivia was straight forward.

"Okay, I don't have a lot of time, I am go through this once, okay," although direct Bree-ann's voice was shaky, "I went to Tony's last night, you know the bar on-" they all nodded, this was the same story they had heard before, "Well a man bought me a drink, he was average looking, mid thirties, maybe younger. Anyways he ended up buying a few rounds, he began walking me out to my car, when he pulled me into the back ally and well you know…" The strong women wiped her eyes, "then kicked me over and over, all the while saying 'If the nice detective had only stayed with me, here give her a call' he dropped a piece of paper before finishing 'she will know how you feel, bitch' and then he just left. Just as fast as he came he was gone. On the paper was your number, detective" she eyed Liv with a hatred, almost as if she blamed Olivia for her attack. "I will fill any papers out you need me too, but I will not testify and I will not want to ID the guy got it," her tone let them know that she was not kidding.

Elliot told the girl they would be in touch with the necessary paper work. As they left the hospital they began to get into a discussion about the case. "What do you suppose the perp meant by 'if the nice detective had stayed with me' Olivia," Elliot directed the question directly at his partner.

"_Shit!"_ Olivia thought to herself, "I don't know, I have been to that bar before, maybe I met the guy, maybe he asked me out, I don't know. Maybe he just pulled my name from the newspaper," she knew that it was highly unlikely that either of the two men would believe that story.

"What ever the case, he is blaming Olivia for his need to continue to rape," Huang broke in to the conversation, "and he is defiantly escalating. The last two victims were barely what a few hours apart, Eliza, and then Bree-ann. The same night, the first victim in her own car, the next just in the ally. He has stopped drugging his victim; So either he has run out of his supply, or no long wants to keep them, or it could even be that he still has one at home,"

"So what, he goes out for the night to rape?" Liv had sarcasm in her voice,

"It wouldn't be unheard of, you should check missing persons," Huang suggested.

"Perhaps," Elliot spoke. He was still looking at Liv with concern by the time they reached their car.

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**Mwhahahahahah Yet another TBC Hear my evil laugh Mwhahahahahaha**


	5. Chapter 5 Love Letter

**So this chapter is not my favorite one so far, but I felt it needed to be done to get it moving more. Hopefully you guys don't hate it too much -.- Thanks for all the reviews! Oh and I tired to play up more of Liv's guilt in this chap home see if you like it.**

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They returned to the precinct tired and frustrated, mostly from the case, a little with each other. Olivia remained silent as the three of the entered the station. Huang and Elliot just nodded to the other that this was in fact their fifth victim. Olivia's victim counter was on number six. Five others and herself six. It could have just been one; it should have just been one. She couldn't believe that she was beginning to feel guilty about saving herself. It was a natural thing to do, wasn't it? 

The other detectives all looked depressed on the news of their latest victims, and the tie to Olivia didn't ease any tensions. Per Huang's suggestion they ran a missing persons check. No one that fit their perps MO popped out of the system. Another dead end. Cragen was the first to speak, "We need to get this guy, and we need to get him fast. We should have a few plain clothes officers in that bar tonight," this seemed like a relatively straightforward request so it didn't take long for volunteers.

"Fin and I can handle it," Munch spoke up much to the chagrin of Fin. Fin sat with an annoyed look on his face for a few moments before saying anything.

"Yeah I suppose _we_ could do that," giving a little glare at Munch. It wasn't that he didn't want to do it; it was just that Munch had volunteered him, so he really didn't have any say in the matter.

"Perhaps Benson should go, maybe she could flush him out," Cragen suggested. She felt her stomach tighten. She didn't want to go back there not tonight, no ever.

"I wouldn't recommend that," it was Huang that spoke next, "Olivia is the driving force behind him, it would likely only make his need to rape stronger, and more violent," Olivia was suddenly filled with a great respect for the short psychologist, and a sudden relief. A hush filled the room, as they waited for the strong willed Liv to speak up, but the objection never came. Elliot broke the silence.

"We should get started the bar opens in less than three hours, we don't have much time to get everything in order."

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Munch was sitting at a corner table, drinking water less just after the bar opened. Fin was sitting in his car, he would wait till the rush started so around eightish. Time seemed to pass slowly for Elliot and Olivia who were sitting in a surveillance van listing and watching everything. 

"I got a man buying a women a drink," Munch said suddenly.

"Watch him," Elliot whispered back.

"Wait…nope she refused the drink, and he is going back to his buddies at the pool table," Munch finished.

"I'm heading in," Fin said, as he got out of his car. It was hard to believe they had been there for over three hours already. The rest of the night was fairly uneventful. A few more drinks bought, but nothing overly suspicious. Two bar fights, and a really bad rendition of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" by one the patrons later it was closing time. Nothing.

"We done here yet?" Munch asked bored.

"Yeah, I suppose we are," Elliot had an exasperated tone in his voice. They still had no leads. They headed back to the station and then each to their own cars. For the next five hours they went home and slept. Olivia stayed at the precinct though. She stared at the pictures of all the victims. All the victims that they new about. The guilt of being even partly responsible for those girls interrupted and altered lives cut deep into Olivia. Around three in the morning Olivia succumbed to sleep, and around seven when her colleagues joined her, they found her asleep in her chair.

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It was 10:37am with the call came in. It wasn't until 11:03am that SVU was called. Melissa Web, 24, Editor for the New York Times, found dead. Elliot and Munch responded. She was found face up in the ally next to an apartment complex. She had been raped, beaten, and eventually strangled. When the tox screen came in they would find she had been drinking heavily and that there were traces of Rohypnol in her blood. Not enough to knock her out, no her blood alcohol level was high enough to do that. There was just enough for them to know it was there guy. That with a note. A note address: 

_To my Dearest Olivia Benson_

They didn't open it then. They waited for the M.E. to pick up the body before taking the note back to the precinct. "Lookie what we have here," Munch waved the letter. They placed it on Liv's desk, "Since its addressed to you why don't you do the honours," Olivia stared at the envelope addressed to her for a brief moment before picking it up, turning it over, and sliding her finger under the seal. It was written on simple white paper. Nothing fancy about it. She read it quietly, and in her head an almost proof read, before reading it aloud for all her colleagues to hear.

_To my Dearest Olivia Benson,_

_I am missing you dearly, and am saddened by the fact you keep our love secret from your comrades. You should not be ashamed to love me, the way I am not afraid to love you. I miss your sent, and the way your hair frames your angelic face. I fear that I may have strayed from our love since you left my side. I have been unfaithful please forgive my transgressions. I am glad to see that you have been stronger than me in our absence from each other. I hope to have you next to me again soon. I also hope that you find me before my demons win the battle. I hope that you have the strength to stop me by coming back into my arms before I do something I regret. Come back to me. _

_Yours truly,_

_Your One and Only Lover_

Olivia could feel her voice shaking, and quivering as she finished the letter. It made her sick. She was trying as hard as she could not to throw up. She was glad that Elliot began to speak or else she may have thrown up. "So what is this, a Stalker?" he ventured a guess.

"That what it sounds like," Munch began, "You notice anyone strange following you around Liv?" Liv didn't say anything. She was deep in thought. She had thought that she had escaped him, she thought she was free. Just as got her confidence back he ripped it out from under her. She was still not ready to tell them the truth. To tell them what happened. Although they would never say it, she knew that if she told they would all be thinking the same thing, _"Why? Why would Liv not tell us? Why would she not tell us after Lilly, or when he started to escalate? Why did she wait? Why, why, Why?" _She did not want to answer that question, for answering that question would be accepting responsibility for all the victims all six official victims.

"Liv?" Munch pressed again.

"What?" she was dazed, how long had they been talking to her?

"I asked you if you noticed anything unusually lately, around your apartment,"

"My apartment?" she was trying to figure out what they were talking to and it eventually clicked, "No nothing, sorry, to tell you the truth I haven't been there much lately with this case and all." she let her eyes drift back to the letter. The icy blue ink causing the words to pop off the pages.

"Hey you okay," it was Cragen that spoke this time. The question gave Olivia room to vent without seeming too crazy.

"Okay? I am having love letters written to me by a crazed serial rapist, and now murder who has some sick fantasy that I am his lover or girlfriend or something! Yeah my life's just peachy at the moment how about yours?" She spit the last bit out hard and cold. It was the first time she had the opportunity to vent her emotions without giving away the real reason, and it felt good, almost powerful. The reaction wasn't what she had expected though. She had expected a look of shock, or angry from those in the room, not pity, she had not wanted pity. She did not want them to feel bad for her. As she looked around though that's all she got, pity.

"Will get him Liv," Stabler said sincerely. Olivia realized then that her hands were clenched in tight fists and she was shaking with anger. She had to deflect the attention off of herself.

"Do it for them, not me," was all she could say. For the moment it seemed to work. For the moment they forget her, let her go back to being a detective. For the moment she was safe.

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**Yeah not great buy MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA TBC Do you like where this is heading? Do you know where this is heading?**


	6. Chapter 6 The Truth Still Untold

**As per request for MORE ACTION! I bring you action chapter. Still not quite over yet. Hope you like this chapter too R&R.. I don't think I will be able to update for a few days so bare with me**

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Stumped the detectives all sat quietly behind their desks. All thinking about the message given on the note, and while Olivia knew the true message it didn't stop her from guessing as well. Her guesses however were differed from the others, hers had to do with how long till her contacted her again, how long till he came for her again? In the silence of the precinct her phone rang bringing everyone back to reality. Olivia however, did not want to pick up the phone, she was afraid it would be another victim. She let the phone ring twice before finally having the courage to pick up the receiver. "Benson." 

"_Hello Olivia," _it was a male voice on the other end of the line. He spoke calmly with and almost elegant tone.

"Who is this?"

"_You mean to tell me that you don't recognize your lovers voice?" _there was a long pause; Olivia didn't know what to say. Should she tell her colleagues who was on the phone? What should she say to the guy? Motioning to her colleagues she mouthed 'its him'. This caused them all to sit up straight in their seats.

"No it's just been such a long time," it felt like a stupid thing to say, but she was trying to keep him on the phone.

"_I want to see you again my love,"_ he spoke softly an almost whisper. Olivia was unsure how to reply to this, she did not ever want to see him again, but she had to do it for them. The others whose lives were altered by the sicko she was now making small talk with. _"Come see me today, I will wait for you our rendezvous place. You know the place we first set eyes on each other. Come to me alone Olivia, I will be waiting." _There was a click on the other end of the line. She carefully hung up her phone, trying to hide her hand shaking.

"He wants to meet me tonight, at the bar." Olivia said hoping that they would all know and she would not have to explain anymore. The feeling of seeing him again, having him near her made her just sick. She could feel her lunch working its way up, and she quickly took a swig of her coffee to keep it down.

"Do you want to do it?" Cragen asked. Olivia thought about it for a moment, she really didn't _want _to but it would be best for her to do it. It could prevent another victim, and it would prevent too many questions.

"Of course I want to do this," she put on her most determined face she could muster. There was however, a look of concern on the faces around her, "What? Its not like he will be able to do anything you guys will be right there." The look of concern stayed on many faces only alleviated by the fact that they new that they would be there. Right outside the bar, waiting for the guy.

* * *

Silently the young detective made her way across the pavement of the parking lot in front of Tony's Tap Room. She had walked this same parking less then a month ago. She hadn't been back, other then the night of the sting, to this parking lot, this bar. The bar was filled with the same thick and gagging smoke she remembered. Taking her seat at the bar she ordered cola. She was still on the clock and couldn't drink. An uneasy feeling grew in the pit of her stomach. He was here she knew that but where she did not know. Barely able to remember his face she doubted she would recognize him unless he walked right up to her. Elliot began to jabber in her ear, she didn't know what he was saying, she had stopped listening when the bar tender handed her a scotch. "I asked for a cola," Olivia stared at him. 

"I know that, but that gent over there," he motioned to a well dressed man at the end of the table, "said that you would enjoy this more, he said its what you usually get when you come here alone," Olivia felt her fists tighten into balled fists. The well-dressed man stood and came to sit in the stool right next to Olivia. He smelled as though he had just taken a shower. He wore a designer suit and a smooth silk tie. His eyes were a deep intoxicating blue, and as much as Liv wanted to look away she couldn't. His hair was cut short and was a chocolate brown. She couldn't move as he moved his mouth to her ear and whispered.

"Hello lovely," In her other ear she could here Elliot still talking, actually he was yelling by this time. "I thought I told you to come alone," Olivia was glued to her seat; she didn't move away as he reached his hand and pulled out her earpiece. It was then that she truly felt alone and trapped. She knew that they could hear everything, and she could hear nothing. "Why don't we go for a quick walk sunshine?" She pulled her from the seat and put his hand on the small of her back. He guided her not so gently out of the bar.

'_Where are they?" _she thought to herself, _"Where the hell are you guys,"_ She stopped walking, and dug her feet into the ground as best she could. This was as far as she was going with him and if they didn't like it that was to damn bad. He unfortunately had a different plan. He wanted her to keep going. He began to drag her away from the light in front of the bar into the dark alleyway behind. Struggling now they found themselves in a tangled mess on the ground.

"Stop moving, Lovely Liv," an all too soothing voice whispered in her ear, she could feel him on top of her, heavy weight that she could not push off. "Where are your friends now Olivia. Can't you see they are happy for you? Can't you see they want you to be with me!" a hard gloved had hit the side of Olivia's face. She tried to kick but her legs would not move, she tried to punch but he held her in place.

"You sick freak!" she managed to get out as she continued to struggle.

"We could have been together forever, but you had to leave me. You left me all alone," Another swift gloved hand met Olivia's reddened cheek. She squeezed her eyes shut, and didn't open them, she did not want to see his face "You made me do all those other girls," His weight on her chest was making it hard to breath never mind talk. "But if you had only stayed I would have loved only you, I would have loved you so dear-"

She felt the weight being lifted of her chest. She heard Fin yelling something at the man. Inhaling deeply she opened her eyes to see Munch squatting next to her.

"Olivia?" she began to sit up only to have Munches hand stop her, "Just wait awhile okay?" she smiled meekly at the caring man who most times was cold and distant. She saw Elliot and Fin had pinned the guy to the ground and cuffed him. She again began to sit up and this time Munch did not protest. She sat with her back against the cold brick wall.

"Where were you guys?" she asked quietly. Munch raised his eyebrow.

"It only took us a max of minute to get here Liv, we were right here," She wanted to believe, but it felt like so much longer, it had felt like she had been alone. She rubbed her sore cheek with her hand trying her best to warm up her chilled face. She looked over and saw the mans eyes staring at her while Elliot read him his rights. His cold hard eyes piercing her.

"Did you tell them Liv?" He spat out at her, "Did you tell them about _us_, about that wonderfully beautifully night?" There was a momentary pause, as all the detectives looked her way. She couldn't keep it down this time. She threw up on the pavement beside her.

"Take him away," growled Elliot. Fin nodded.

"Lets go," Fin pulled the man up of the ground and took him back to the car. Olivia cringed when she felt Munches hand on her back. She wiped the corners of her mouth with her sleeve before standing up. Before she turned to face them she got up as much courage as she could muster. When she was finally fact to face with both Munch and Elliot she had a solemn look on her face.

"What was he talking about Olivia?" Elliot had a cold expression on his face.

"Nothing, I don't know, nothing"

"Liv," This time it was Munch's strong voice that rung in her head.

"He's clearly obsessed with me, he probably made up some story in his head,"

"Come on Liv," Elliot was now pleading, "You don't expect us to believe that's it." She looked at them her eyes begging them not to push the issue.

"Olivia," Munch had a strong forceful voice in his tone, "You can tell us, or we can find out from him,"

"You would trust his word over mine!" She was yelling at them now, "There is nothing going on why don't you just, just BACK OFF!" She wanted them to flinch, she wanted them to back down, but they did neither. They knew her too well, and she saw now that she had walked right into that one. She had let them in too much, too far. "Look I can't do this right now, not tonight," She turned and walked away from them, "I'm going home," she walked back to her car.

She sat there watching Elliot and Munch talking to Fin. They all glanced her way. _"So subtle boys," _it would have made her smile if it wasn't so grave. They knew something had happened, but they didn't know what. It wouldn't take them long, one way or another they would find out. She started her car. She knew that either she would slip up again, he would tell them, or perhaps they would find out on their own, they weren't morons. She did a u-turn and heading away from the smoky bar, and away from all the questions. Away from the truth she would eventually have to face. Not tonight though, tonight she would be alone.

* * *

**So how was it?MWHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA TBC...o.O**


	7. Chapter 7 Fly Away

**Howdy all! Updated finaly. Confessions are fun aren't they? Sorry I was a little busy this week. Hope you like it R&R**

* * *

Olivia sat with her hands wrapped around her knees and her back to the cold white wall in her living room. It was late, but she was not tired. She watched the digital clock numbers on the DVD player flicker in the darkness, the only light in her dark apartment. She could hear the busy New York streets bellow. Her cell was off and her landline unplugged. They would not be able to reach her tonight. Even in the darkness of her apartment, all alone, she refused to shed a tear. There were so many others who's stories worse then hers, and in the course of her career she had heard so many they began to all sound the same. Why should she be treated any differently then anyone else? Why did she deserve more compassion then anyone else? _"I don't! I am no different and should not be treated different. If they had just let it be! Its there fault that they know…whatever it is they know."_ Her thoughts raged.

She did not know whether to be angry that she had given them the satisfaction of knowing something was up, or saddened by the thought of having to tell her friends and colleagues tomorrow. There was even a part of her that was happy and excited, after all they had taken another murderer and rapists of the street, and that to her was a good thing. However, the heavy burden of telling those she worked with so many years weighed heavily on the young detectives mind. Running different scenarios through her head, _" 'How much do I really have to tell?' _and '_Perhaps I could bluff my way out of it,' no, no, NO!" _she shook her head at herself, _"who would they rather hear it from, me or Him. They trust me; they wont think any less of me…would they? But if he told them, if he tells them…" _She let her thoughts drift as a single salty tear fell from her eye. She wiped it away with her hand.

She knew that when she went in tomorrow the first thing she would see would be there face. Be strong, she would tell herself. She would not cry. She would walk in there confident as she would any other day. She would smile and say 'hi!' If they asked she would tell, yes, only if they asked? No, she would tell whether or not they asked, they deserved that much. They deserved to hear it from her, not him, at all costs, not him.

* * *

Olivia didn't know when she had fallen asleep but she woke to find the sun rising and warm light cascading into her apartment. She searched for the time, and found it to be half past nine. She was late. She rushed around, made she showered and changed before disappearing out her front door. She stopped at the coffee shop on the way over and picked everyone up a large coffee just the way they liked it. Her entrance to the precinct was not quite, nor unnoticed. A few of her colleagues almost seem relived to find that she simply late. "Where have you been?" Elliot stammered a clear look of concern on his face.

"Good Morning to you too," Olivia did her best to sound perky, "Sorry I'm late, just stopped off for some coffee," she tilted her head and smiled.

"We have been trying to reach you all night," Munch spoke with a tone of anger, like one of a father to a child who had snuck out.

"Sorry, I had my cell off,"

"And your home phone?" Munch pressed. Olivia ignored him she simply handed the coffees to everyone. She took her own and leaned against her desk. They were all staring at her, with eyes they did not seem to be looking at her, but rather through her.

"So did you talk to…to, um…the guy, yet?" she had yet to learn his name, and was unsure how much her colleagues knew.

"Nope," Fin said shaking his head.

"Oh," Olivia was very tempted to leave it at that, and move on. An awkward silence filled the room.

"What was he talking about Liv, we want to hear it from you, we want the truth from you." Elliot's eyes never left her as he spoke. She began to fiddle with the rim of her coffee cup. She knew she couldn't avoid talking to them forever. Trying to gain the same confidence and composer she had the night before, when she was alone, Olivia took a drink of her coffee.

"How much do you want to know," her voice flat and expressionless.

"What do you mean 'how much'? We want to know everything," Fin answered honestly.

"I don't think you do," She could feel the knot in her throat begin to tighten.

"Liv," They all said at once exasperated at their friends attempt to avoid the issue.

"Fine! I'll tell you as much as I remember, and it's not much okay," she glared at them, "and you can't say anything, or ask anything, until I am done, all the way done," they all nodded agreement, even through the confusion as to what their partner was eluding. "About a month ago, I went out for drinks after work. I hadn't meant to go alone, but it was a spur of the moment thing, and I didn't want to bother anyone else. So I just stopped off on my way home, the bar was really close to where I lived so I though, why not? I was in there for only a few minutes, when this really nice guy began to chat me up. He asked me what my poison was and I said a scotch. She he ordered me a few rounds, I never took my eyes off of the drink, and I never looked away, I swear I didn't," she felt her eyes burning as she held back the tears she knew were bound to come out at some point, "then all of a sudden I wasn't feeling good, real tired, God I am so stupid I should have known something was up," she saw Elliot about to speak, but he instead said nothing, she knew he wanted to tell her that she was not stupid, that it wasn't her fault, "He offered to walk me to my car, I could barely walk so I gladly took the help," she rested her forehead on her hand in frustration. They all knew what was coming, they had asked to hear the truth, and now they began to regret it, "I don't know what happened next, but I woke up in a strange apartment, I could barely focus on anything, but," she looked around, "I didn't have my pants on okay, I mean that really doesn't mean anything right," she was looking around almost pleading, "right, I mean I don't remember anything, maybe there is nothing to remember…" it was stupid but she hoped that any of them would agree with her, she knew they wouldn't though, "I got my pants, they still had my cell and gun on them. I stumbled around looking for my badge, and it was on the nightstand next to…next to him. Then I found my coat and I came to work,"

"That's it you came to work," Elliot was in disbelief,

"Did I say I was done!" Liv glared his way. Elliot looked taken aback simply shook his head. "Anyways, that day we went to interview Lilly, and I realized that something was odd," a puzzled look came across many of the faces in the room, obviously they had yet to make the connection, "Her story was so similar, then the others," it was then that it clicked to the others, "After work that day I headed to the anonymous clinic downtown. Everything looks good. They did a kit. Its there if you need it," she looked down at the floor for a moment, "I could have stayed, I could have prevented all the others from being hurt," she felt a warm tear descend down her face. She refused to sob, to outwardly cry, so she wiped it from her cheek. "Okay, I am done, questions?" there was a silence as those who tried to protect her grasped helplessly for words.

"You sure its him?" Fin asked clearly enraged by her account.

"I knew as soon as he bought me the drink last night, I knew as he took my ear piece out, I knew as he lead me away from the bar, I knew as he told me you guys weren't coming, I knew as he blamed me for the others," her eyes were cold and distant as she grasped reassurance.

"We were coming Liv, I promise we were," Munch reassured her, "And you couldn't have stopped him from hurting anyone else, he would have just found someone else to idolize," the words both comforted and stung her. She had been holding on to the thought that she was not just another statistic, another number, that it served a purpose. She knew it didn't. She knew, as did all the others that he never _loved_ her, that would have only made it worse, not it was all about power, it always was.

"Why, why didn't you tell us? Why did you wait?" Elliot was the one to ask the hard questions, the ones she didn't not want them to know, the ones she was not sure of.

"Did it occur to you that perhaps I didn't remember that much and was unsure of what I did. I thought it would just slip away and that would be it," her words cut them like a knife, "I didn't remember anything, I couldn't testify, the only thing I had was the kit they did at the clinic, and in six months I could have had it destroyed, and that would have been that. Did it occur to you that it happened over and over with each victim, and with each new one it became harder for me to tell, the guilt ate me up inside. Did it occur to you that I didn't want anyone to know," her last words cut them all like a knife.

"Did you not trust us?" Cragen spoke for the first time he had remained quite since she walked in, and in the corner for her story.

"No, No! Of course I trusted you guys, it just that," she scrambled to find the right words, "I mean we do this everyday, I do this everyday. We have all interview thousands of victims and suspects. We have consoled, and investigated. I didn't want to be another case, but I didn't want to be special either. I wasn't sure what I wanted. I knew that I didn't want to be seen as weak or inferior, and I didn't want to be told to go home, and take time off. I didn't want to be alone," she could not hid the pain anymore, and her voice showed it.

"But you are special Liv, " Fin was trying to grasp as were the others, Liv's reasoning behind her actions. Usually she was the logical one, the head on all of their shoulders.

"You are in no way weak, and in no way alone," Elliot spoke softly. He reached a hand out to her, and she let it rest on her arm. She didn't pull away; she enjoyed the fact that any of they was willing to approach her. She had feared that they would all pull away, afraid to touch her to be near her.

"Will you hug me?" She asked, not talking to anyone in particular, and quickly they all moved around her, holding the smallest of them in their arms.

* * *

**I was going to make this my last chapter but I didn't think it gave enough closer. I want to do another with the confession of our mystery man...at least I think he is still a myster...I can't remember...meh Tell me what you want. **

**MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA TBC?**


	8. Chapter 8 The One Just For Me

**Another chapter for you to R&R hope you like it. It may be a little more intense then previous chapters (not really but some may find it offending. Anyhoo hope it makes sense. Have Fun!**

* * *

Two cold tough pairs of eyes starred at each other across the interview table. One pair belonged to Elliot Stabler, the other to the newly identified Manuel Malone. The two had been staring at each other for well over an hour neither spoke or looked away. Elliot had spent most of the last hour attempting to restrain himself. He had the uncontrollable urge to smack the guy upside the head as hard as he possibly could.

* * *

Munch, Fin, and Cragen were watching from the other side of the one-way mirror. Olivia had wanted to watch, but they attempted to make her stay outside, as much as she wanted to know what happened they knew it was probably for the better she didn't. Just before they had begun the interview she had walked into the small room, they didn't stop her this time. However persistent she could be though, if things got to personal they would not hesitate to remove her with force.

* * *

Elliot eventually spoke, "Mr. Malone, we have evidence for seven counts of sexual assault, murder, and assault of a police officer, now a confession from you could make your life a little easier," he hated to have the man that hurt his partner, his friend, get any sort of breaks, but he had to make to offer.

"I will only confess to one," Manuel had a slick smile pasted on his face.

"Okay, I am listening," Elliot held his breath hoping the man would pick someone else's story, "From the beginning,"

"Okay Detective if you want," he gave a satisfied look, "She was the best one after all. Hum lets see where to start, where to start. Ah! I know, the night she came to me. She had the most beautiful eyes in the whole bar. Alone, she was alone; I could not believe that someone had not snagged this one yet. I went to talk to her after she sat down at the bar. She had such a sad look as though her day had been a rough one. I knew she was my one and only. I had asked her what her poison was, she told me scotch. I bought her a few rounds. Her lips gently touched each shot as gracefully as the last, so smooth and plump," he sighed and closed his eyes as he remembered. Stabler grew impatient and slammed his fists on the table to get the guys attention.

"No time for dreams Mr. Malone," he said in a menacing tone.

"Uh, uh, uh," Malone shook his finger at the male detective, "this is my story, and I will tell it as fast or slow as I please." He grinned with such a pleasure at his thoughts it made those behind the glass sick. He opened his hollow unfeeling eyes before continuing, "Now where was I, ah yes, her beautiful lips. She was so careful, watching her drinks so closely, but I managed to slip my love potion when her cell distracted her. It was only a brief moment, I thought she saw me,"

"Rohypnol is not a love potion Mr. Malone," anger clear in his voice Stabler clenched his fists as he spoke.

"Its not?" he did his best innocent face, "If it wasn't then she would no have went with me willingly. Of course she wasn't feeling tip top by then, but you know that," a stiff sickening tone in his voice.

* * *

On the other side of the two-way mirror Olivia could feel her knees grow weak. She slide her back down the wall until she was on the floor, she could no longer see his face or the interview room, but she could hear the words. Fin moved to stand beside her in a protective kind of way.

* * *

"She went with you because she thought you would help her," Elliot stood up, his hands firmly planted on the table and his weight resting on them.

"Of course I helped her, I helped her to my car where she would be safe, I would never hurt a woman on purpose,"

* * *

"_What a god damn liar,"_ Olivia thought as her whole body shook. Fin placed his hand on her shoulder to steady her. He wasn't quite sure what to do, never before had a victim watched a suspect confess. Cragen watched Benson with concern; he knew that if she was not careful any evidence related to her case would be inadmissible in court.

* * *

"What about Lilly? Eliza? Or did you forget them," Elliot pressured Manuel.

"I neither accept nor deny any knowledge of those ladies, back to my story now detective," Malone demanded the attention in the room.

* * *

Huang entered the small and already crowed room. "This is your guy?" He asked, watching the man through the window. 

"Yeah," Munch said with a slight disgust. Huang looked around the room and spotted Liv on the floor. He raised a puzzled eyebrow at Cragen, who simply gave an apathetic look. So he stepped close to the Captain and inquired in whisper, "What's wrong with her?" he hadn't meant it in a negative way.

"You really don't want to hear it from me, but I am sure he is just about to let you know," Cragen motioned to the man sitting across from Stabler. Huang turned his attention back to the perp and waited for the mystery to unfold. He was also interested to see exactly how close his profile had come.

* * *

"I helped the young woman to my car, I thought she could just sleep it off. She however didn't want to go, and attempted to fight my kindness away. I don't take lightly to having my good heartiness simply shrugged off so carelessly." 

"So you thought it was okay to make her go into the car?" Elliot sat back down to prevent himself from slugging the guy.

"I was not about to leave her defenceless in such a rough part of town, I offered to give her a lift, she refused, but then she collapsed. I had nowhere else to put her. It was my car or the street,"

"So you were just a good, well to do citizen then,"

"Something like that," his sick smile never leaving his face.

* * *

Olivia was afraid of what was coming. Perhaps it was best if she did not hear this after all. She couldn't move though she couldn't get up. He had her again. She hugged herself tightly, as Fin rubbed her shoulder reassuringly. Huang was slowly putting it together, he was after all a psychologist, and he was trained to recognize behaviour of people. "Do you think she should be in here," he whispered to Cragen. 

"Do you think you could make her leave?" He asked straight forwardly, knowing even the great Huang couldn't do that.

* * *

"I knew she was in love with me though, and she was asleep by then," 

"She wasn't asleep she was unconscious from the drugs to slipped her!" Stabler shouted

"What ever the cause of her illness she was better of at my apartment," He closed his eyes once again and smiled, "oh sweet sweet Livy." He at last spoke her name. Elliot froze. He counted to five in his head, then to ten. _"Don't lose it, don't slug him. It wouldn't be good. Satisfying, but not good," _

* * *

Fin admired Elliot's composer. Even Munch was surprised Elliot had not lunged across the table at Malone. Fin himself was glad he had not been in the room or Manuel would have been missing a few brain cells already. 

"I brought her in to my home. She would marry I knew it. She is the someone just for Me." he gave a snort, "I had to make sure though that she knew it too. I took matters into my own hands then."

"So you figured you would rape her,"

"Rape is such a dirty word Detective, I would call it claiming what is Mine"

* * *

So she was an object to be owned. It did not sit well with her, out of all the things he could say that was the worst. Knowing that he considered her property, something to be tamed and kept. She wanted more then anything to be held at that moment, by whom? She did not care. Everyone was concentrated on the case though, on him. He always stole the attention from her. She felt the strength return to her legs. Standing up she gently moved Fin's hand off of her shoulderand moved out of the room. She didn't know where she was going, but she didn't want to hear anymore. They all looked suddenly relieved.

* * *

"She was perfect, every curve on her body, just so perfect. I gently laid her on my bed I removed what was un-needed. That's when I noticed her badge, and her sad expression at the bar made sense. I knew that she had it rough always having to be tough and hard, when really she was innocent and alone. I would always be there for her, but I needed to make sure she would always be there for me." His sick smile came back on his face. "It was the best night of my life, so perfect," Elliot clenched his hands under the table.

* * *

Fin no longer had to keep composer now that Liv was out of the room. "That god damn son of a bitch," he punched the air. Munch gave him a glance as if to say 'keep it together'. They too were all feeling anger towards this man and how casually he talked about his assault on Olivia.

* * *

"I thought she would stay with me forever, but alas I woke the next morning to find she had left me. I cried all day, but I realized the only way to get her back was to show I had moved on with my life, I fooled around. I know it was wrong but I needed her back by my side. I wanted to be angry at me to want to marry her," his heartfelt attempts did not fool any of the hardened detectives, "The night she came to the bar after I called her, I knew that she had not left me. I had been foolish to think that. She had only wanted to tell her you, her friends, that she was leaving and she would be with me now. When she arrived alone I knew you approved you wanted us to be together, yet you pulled us apart. I will always love her Detective, no matter what, she will always be the one just for me!" with that he let out a menacing laugh, and Elliot could no longer restrain himself. He lunged at the man and before Manuel could blink he was being held against the wall by the collar of his shirt.

* * *

"Get in there!" Cragen yelled to Munch and Fin. Quickly the two elder detectives sprang into action. They dashed into the interrogation room and pulled Stabler away from the man. Malone was laughing so hard there were tears in his eyes. They were all glaring at him. Suddenly he went very quite and dropped his head to the floor. In a quite almost inaudible voice he spoke smugly.

"My, my, my detective, that was not very nice of you. Hey by any chance do you know where my love is?" there was a strong silence as they questioned whether to let Stabler go at him, and where in fact there female detective had gone. The three detectives left Malone in the room alone. Hurriedly they returned to where their desks were. She was not there. They checked the bathroom and the other interrogation rooms. No Liv.

"Where the hell did she go?" Elliot was exasperated

"I'll call her on her cell," Munch said as he punched her number into his phone. Soon he heard ringing, so did Fin and Elliot. Fin followed the noise to the top drawer of Benson's desk. He pulled out her phone and waved it at the other two.

"Damn it Liv where are you?" Munch slammed his phone shut.

* * *

**So another chapter over, MWHAHAHAHAHAH TBC?**


	9. Chapter 9 The Arms of An Angel

**Well Hello there! Soyou are reading another chapter of my fanfic. Thankies to all. R&R as always. This is not the last chapter but I think it is getting close, depends what reviewers want. I did not attend to take it this far so I am kinda writing as I think. Hope you all like this chapter too! I am doing my best to stay incharacter, keep the plot going, and not make to many mistakes. **

* * *

Franticly the male detectives scrambled around looking in every conceivable local for their partner. Where would she go? They felt guilty for leaving her alone. All of them knew how she yearned for reassurance that it would be okay, how she wanted to know that they would protect her. Caught up in the case they had let her slip away. She was so innocent and yet so strong. Most of them found it hard to believe she could have survived this long and not snapped yet. Perhaps the pressure had finally got to her. Cragen and Huang appeared from out of the one-way mirror room. "Where's Liv?" Cragen inquired.

"No clue Captain," Fin's gruff voice replied.

"What do you mean you have no clue?" Huang had a distraught tone in his voice.

"Why are you so worried?" Munch inquired.

"Events like this can break the best of us," was all Huang said. They all got his meaning though.

"Look it, Liv would never commit Heri-Keri" Munch standing about two feet from Huang's face as he spoke.

"I am not saying that," Huang raised his hands, "I am just saying that the pressure had been building for over a month." They simply starred at him. What did he know! He was only a psychologist who worked on thousands of cases and seen many victims, but to talk of Liv like that, it ticked them all off. She was better than that, stronger than that. Wasn't she?

"Look, Olivia likes to go up to the roof sometimes to think anyone want to come help me look there?" Elliot asked. Munch and Fin nodded following Stabler to the elevator. The ride up to the roof was long and slow. As the doors opened they stepped onto the top floor. They had to take the stairs the rest of the way up. There feet pounded each step hard. They swung the door open to reveal a cold and rainy evening. They scanned the roof.

Benson stood in her clean pressed grey suit. Her hair soaking wet, she had been up there for a while. Her hands rested on the ledge and her weight rested on her hands. She was starring out at the city she had taken an oath to protect. She had served long and hard to get where she was and had seen more then she needed to, more then she wanted to. Elliot, Munch, and Fin silently watched her; she was unaware of their presence. As she stood there she reminded them of an angel who had lost her halo.

She began to wonder why she cared so much that they were all with Malone. That they were so concentrated on him; she knew they cared about her, yet her she was alone on the roof. _"God," _she thought, _"This must look like such a cliché! Here I am a victim standing alone in the rain!"_ She stood up straight and backed away from the edge. She spread her arms out by her sides, turned her face to the sky, and closed her eyes; "Take me away," she whispered. Her words caused them deep pain.

"Please don't take her," Munch broke the silence. Liv was startled by the voice behind her. She spun around quickly and lost her balance, Fin reached out and grabbed her arm. He didn't let her fall. She looked intently on the three that stood there. The three people she trusted the most in life. No one spoke for a very long time.

"You done with _him_?" she didn't want to say his name.

"Yeah," Elliot had a sincere look in his eyes.

"Well that's…good," She smiled a slightly embarrassed smile as she tapped her hands on her thighs nervously. She didn't make eye contact with them.

"Lets go inside your going to catch a cold," Fin's gruff voice spoke up. The men turned to leave.

"No," Her voice soft, gently but firm, "Not yet," The men stopped and turned back to their partner.

"Liv it's pouring out here," Elliot objected.

"So?" She gave them her quirky smile, "I rather like the rain," They all gave a small smile. They were afraid to be happy when they all hurt so much for her. Although she tried to hide it, they could tell she was not the same person she was before. She closed her eyes again, letting the rain wash her clean. She promised herself that she would move on now; she would not let him 'own' her like he wanted to. Although he would never be able to physically get close to her again he could still control her life. It was her life thought, and she wasn't about to let anyone but she controlled it.

"You know we will always be there for you Liv," Elliot offered support.

"I know," She opened her eyes to look them each in the eyes, "I may need your help," she said sheepishly.

"With what? We'll do anything," Fin jumped in.

"I don't want to let _him _control me," she now was looking past them, "I can't let him, but I don't know if I am strong enough to let go,"

"He's going away for a long, long time Olivia," Munch spoke softly.

"I don't want to be his, his piece of meat," she spat, "I don't want to testify, I can't testify," shesounded defeated, "I can't sit and watch him look at me like he _cares_."

"You don't have to testify Liv. Besides he won't be out of jail probably for the rest of his life, and if, I said _if_ he does we can protect you. We will always protect you," Elliot let the words sink in hoping that she would believe they could protect her from Malone forever.

"Can you protect me from myself?" she had a strange distant voice when she spoke. They stared at her as she said that. They knew what she meant by that, and they hoped that they could. It was an impossible feet to protect someone from themselves.

"I don't know, but we can try," Munch looked concerned, "Know lets get of the roof and go inside." He motioned to her.

"Why are you so intent on getting me inside?" a slight anger in her voice. She had enough problems with out having her partners trying to control her as well. "Did you think I was going to jump?" She laughed. They just stared at her, "My God you did!"

"No, No of course we didn't." Fin was getting defensive.

"Yes you did, it was Huang's idea wasn't it," Olivia backed away from them, "You are asking me if I trust you, and you can't trust me. How hypocritical of you,"

"Liv we were just concerned," Munch injected quickly into the conversation.

"Concerned! If you were so concerned why did you use me as bait, why did you let me leave the interview room alone." She moved farther away from them. In her heart she knew she was being irrational, that none of this was their fault but she wanted to blame anyone and everyone else for her problems.

"Liv, stop it," Elliot was firm, "Stop it, stop trying to blame everyone! It was just a string of unfortunate happenings. Its not your fault, but its not our fault either," his words had a grip on her. He could see the rage in her eyes. Munch and Fin seemed relived that it was Elliot that had finally snapped and not them. Liv turned away and looked back over the city.

"I know," her voice soft, "I don't want to blame you guys, it's just so much easier. I just can deal okay," her voice was crisp as she forced out the words.

"We know, that's why we're here," Munch reached out to her with his hand. They were all soaking wet.

"Okay, lets go," she turned and walked past them towards the door. They fell into stride behind her, "Wait," she turned and they stopped, "Can I get you guys to hold on to something for me, at least for a little while,"

"Absolutely," they said in unison. She reached down and pulled her gun out. She looked at long and hard as if contemplating something. An argument raged deep inside her. Finally she handed it over to Elliot. As she pulled open the door to the inside of the building they all swore they heard her say something.

"I would never jump," it was almost a whisper. Elliot wrapped the gun up in his coat. He would place it in the safe where he keeps his until she was ready for it again. She let out a little laugh and spoke loudly so that they all could hear her words, "You all look like wet dogs," her joke let them know that she was at least healing, even if it was only a little bit at a time.

* * *

Casey Novak walked through the precinct an angry look on her face. The Special Victim's Unit that she worked with closely had given her an almost open and shut case. She had evidence and testimony to put a violent man behind bars for the rest of his life. However, she was missing one key component. She saw Cragen and Huang standing alone in the squad room as she entered. "Who the hell is this," she waved a case file at them. 

"Who's who?" Cragen looked confused.

"Your perp wrote a bloody novel on one of his victims when he only wrote sentences on the others. There is no name, you know who it is. It would be a much tighter case if she testified. Why are you trying to hide her from me? Her name never appears in any of the reports, or even on any of the evidence collected. Who is she?" She was up in Cragen's face. He made eye contact with her.

"You can talk to her if you want," he offered if only to get the A.D.A out of his face.

"Where is she?"

"The roof I think,"

"The roof?"

"Yeah, well that where Munch, Fin, and Elliot are,"

"Where's Liv?"

"I think she's on the roof too,"

"Why?"

"I don't know why don't you go talk to them!" Just then the doors slide open and four soaked detectives stepped out. They solemnly went to their desks. Elliot slipped something into his top drawer.

"I thought you said my victim was with them," she hissed at Cragen angrily.

"She is," his eyes saddened as he stared at Casey. The A.D.A spun around, counted four detectives. She looked at Cragen again, then at Liv.

"No," she pleaded, Cragen didn't say anything his sad eyes resting on Liv's sweet smile.

"Hey Casey, what can we do for you today?" Olivia inquired.

"What can you do for me?" Novak was still getting over the shock of what she had walked into, "What can I do for you?"

"Um, didn't you come here though, so don't you want something?"

"You okay?"

"Why does everyone keep asking if I am okay?" Liv was exasperated. Elliot, Munch and Fin knew that Liv was on a short fuse today, so they began desperately motioning to Casey to stop while she was ahead.

"Are we friends?" Casey was dead serious as she asked the question.

"Yes, are we going to keep answering with questions?"

"Why didn't you tell me Liv?"

"Didn't tell you what?"

"Didn't tell me about this," she slammed the case file on the desk. Olivia flipped open the cover and began to read it, she began to tremble with each word. It seemed the more she tried to run the more Malone got to her. She noticed he purposely did not mention her name; he wanted Liv to see this. She flipped the pages, a good portion of it was devoted just to her, and the other girls all shared a single page.

"God this guys a windbag isn't he," she tried to make a joke but no one laughed.

* * *

**Well? MwHaHahAhA TBC (for those who don't know TBCTo Be Continued)**


	10. Chapter 10 Stolen Halo

**Sorry it took so long to update, I have been really busy. I hope you all like this chapter, I was in a little bit of a hurry to update, and was trying not to get repeitive so yeah. R&R **

* * *

Olivia was still staring at the report she held in her hands, the piercing eyes of her colleges were all trained on her. She wondered why they couldn't just let her be, let her move on. It was much harder for her to do what she needed to do when they all treated her so differently. Was there something wrong with her? She was starting to wonder herself. Did they think she was crazy or something, she already knew that Huang thought she was going to jump out the window at any moment, and Casey was probably more than just angry that Liv and had not told her about the incident. They were after all best friends, they were suppose to be able to tell each other anything.

"I am not crazy," was all she said. They all wore the mixed looks, each wanting to say something, each wanting to protect Liv in their own way.

"No one is saying you are," Huang's clear psychologist voice coming through.

"Just because there are no words coming out of anyone's mouth doesn't mean you aren't thinking it," she spun to face them, "I am fine, really, okay dokey,fantastic, you can all stop worrying," her eyes came to rest on Elliot who still had her gun. There was a part of her that longed to hold the cold metal barrel in her hands. She pushed the thought out of her head. "At least stop giving me those looks."

"What looks?" Cragen inquired.

"Those ones, the pity, the anger, just stop all of you!" She placed her head in her hands. Her pleading only made the looks worse. She couldn't take it anymore. She stood and walked the only window in the precinct. Looking long and hard at the rain falling onto the grey New York streets.

"You have to testify," Casey broke the silence of the room. Fin, Munch, and Stabler all braced for Liv's reaction, but nothing came. They relaxed. Casey however did not seem to know when to quite, "Olivia you have to testify," she had the matter-of-factly tone in her voice, "It's solid all you have to do is sit and answer basic questions. Yes and no really,"

"No," Benson's didn't sound like hers.

"Liv," Cragen had a fathering tone, "I think it would be good to testify,"

"No," it was a simply answer why didn't they get it?

"Liv," he was pleading

"NO!" she spun around to stare at them, "I will not testify, I will not sit in the same room with _him_, I will not talk to anyone," she glared at Huang, "about it. I don't remember that much. I don't want to know that much. I just want to be left alone; I need to be left alone. I need to move on, why can't you all see that, why?" she had a mixture of anger and fear as she spoke.

"But Liv," Casey objected, "Without you-"

"Without me what? Without me you won't get a conviction. Bullshit! You and I both know that the case against _him_ is rock solid without me. We both know that with just the other victims you can put him away for life, you don't need me to do anything," there they were again, the looks.

"Without you I can't guarantee he will be sentenced with the crimes against…against you," Casey spoke meekly.

"So?" her answer was honest, "He will still be in jail, away from…from them," they all noticed how she spoke of the other victims as if they were the only ones.

"Liv why don't you come to my office we can talk," Huang offered the helping hand.

"I don't want to talk!" She shouted, "and don't any of you dare ask me if I am okay one more bloody time!" she retorted just as Cragen almost spoke the question, "I hate it! I hate it all! I have sat where all of you are right now. I too have talked to victims, asked them to do all the same things you are asking me to do. Asking all the same questions, and let me tell you being on that end is a lot easier. Now I am the receiver of the looks, the questions, and I hate it! I never thought it could be so frustrating, I always thought what I did helped, but it doesn't! I doesn't make a god damn difference what I did all those times," Her words dug deep into them all. She was one of the best; they all knew that she really did make a difference in many lives. They knew she still could, but if she doubted herself, it meant she doubted them all.

"To some victims it makes all the difference in the world Liv," Elliot's voice was soft, "You know that, so get off you high horse!" Everyone but Benson looked at him in shock. The way he spoke to her like nothing had happened. Liv smiled.

"I climbed back up didn't I," Liv smiled, as did Munch and Fin at her comment, "well guess I'm not that crazy,"

"No not at all," Fin rolled his eyes. Cragen, and Casey looked puzzled by her sudden mood swing. Huang was making notes, he was always watching.

"You guys want to help me right?" they all nodded, "Then the best thing for you to do is not to treat me any differently then you would have before," she let her gaze drifted past them to the interview room where Malone had spent the last few hours alone. She didn't hear their response; she had tuned them out and was focusing on the room. Something was odd about the silence that came from it. "Has any one been to his apartment yet?" she inquired knowing full well the answer was no.

"Not yet, why?" Munch was slightly puzzled.

"I think you…we, should go to his apartment," Munch raised an eyebrow and Liv's sugestion.

"You do, do you?" he replied to her.

"Yes I do," she desperately wanted to add a 'hint hint' to the end of her statement but decided against that.

"Okay well we should get a warrant and search his place, can you do that for us Casey?" Cragen spoke in an authoritative tone.

"I doubt any judge would turn it down if that's what you want to know," she quickly dialled Judge Winters phone number on her cell. She turned away from them for a little privacy as she spoke. Soon she hung up, "It's being faxed over as we speak," within minutes the familiar buzz came from precincts fax machine and they were all out the door.

* * *

Not far from the precinct they pulled into the apartment parking lots for 'Terrace Hills'. The rain beating a steady rhythm on the pavement as four detectives, one captain, and one A.D.A made there way hastily into the building. "Olivia!" Cragen yelled ahead, the young detective turned to face her boss, "Do you think you should be here," it was less of a question and more of a suggestion.

"I don't think I should be anywhere else, I have to do this Sir, please,"

"Fine, fine, just don't do anything stupid okay," she smiled and continued her way into the building that she had walk out of alive less then a month ago. It had the same smell she remembered, an almost hospital like stench mixed with chlorine. They walked straight passed the elevators up a small flight of stairs to the first floor apartments. Liv didn't remember the stairs but she didn't remember that much about anything that night.

"_101,105, 109,"_ Elliot counted in his head as he lead the way, "Here we go, 116," He took the key he had been given by the building manager who had declined the invitation to supervise the search. The dead bolt clicked open, and they all drew there weapons, just encase. The door swung open with a light shove by Fin. "One-Two-Three" Elliot mouthed. One by one they filed into the room, Casey unarmed, was last. Within minutes they cleared the Malone's apartment and began their search. It was a rather bland apartment holding barely any kind of furniture or art. The living room was starch white. Cragen was searching the guestroom/ office he had just turned the computer on. Casey was standing the kitchen that had just been searched. Munch, Fin, and Elliot were in Manuel's bedroom. Olivia stood in the doorway of the bedroom for over five minutes before Fin finally took notice.

"What's up Liv?" his gaze still looking into Manuel's dresser.

"Uh, nothing, guess I should go look somewhere else, hey when is CSU arriving?"

"I just buzzed them in," Munch commented as he focused on the nightstand. The nightstand where Malone had placed her badge.

"Okay," she turned and forced herself to walk away. It was so clear everything that happened so very clear. She had walked away from the bedroom, down the small hallway, past the bathroom, then the kitchen into the living room, then out the door. She had not ventured down the hallway opposite where the guestroom/office was, and another room. This time she walked across the living room down the other hallway, past Cragen who was working silently on Malone's computer. "Captain?"

"Yes Benson?" he didn't look away from the screen.

"What's behind door number two?" she inquired about the other door down the hallway. It was at the very end and on the opposite was of the office.

"Don't know Benson," he was completely absorbed in his work. Olivia took it upon herself in investigate. Slowly she moved down the hallway. She reached the door and turned it silently, it turned smoothly as though it was used much more often then any other door in the apartment.

* * *

"Got semen detectives," an older CSU commented as he flashed the light over the bed, "lots of it, and some blood."

"So he did it right here, in his bedroom," Fin was disgusted, "Olivia's reaction makes sense,"

"Her reaction?" asked Elliot.

"Yeah she didn't want to come in here earlier, speaking of which were did she go?"

"Not again," Munch moaned.

"I think she is in the room at the end of the other hallway," Casey said and she leaned against the doorframe. Fin was first out the door, the others stayed in the bedroom. He walked swiftly across the barren apartment, passed Cragen working, to the last door. It was open. He stuck his head around the corner. Liv was standing in the middle of the room, looking at a rather large shine that had been set up on the far wall. It was covered in pictures, newspaper clipping, a TV, with videos, and DVDs stacked neatly beside it. The floor had many candles. On the red alter was a single red rose, a white candle and a picture. Fin walked into the dark room squinting at the picture, the person looked familiar.

"Oh shit," he was distraught. Liv spun around to stare at him she had a stunned look on her face.

"He's been following me," her voice had a clear shock, "The ass has been stalking me for months!" her voice was rising, "for months!"

"Just stay right there," Fin raced back to the door and shouted for the others. Liv was still standing in the room.

"For months and I never noticed," she began to laugh when Cragen entered the room. He glanced at Fin before looking past Liv to the walls where articles from the local paper hung. All about their friendly female detective. "God some detective I am I don't even notice a creeper following me around for MONTHS!" she was hysterical by the time Munch and Elliot arrived in the room.

"My God," was all Munch said as he looked at the pictures Malone had snapped of Olivia over the last few months. She was at a crime scene, with a victim, chasing a perp, buying her groceries, having lunch, sitting with them, talking to them. Why had they not noticed? Why had none of them noticed? Olivia pulled herself together and walked over to the TV, turned it on, and pressed play on the VCR. There was a news story about her. She fast-forwarded as the others began to look closely around the room. He had video of her walking down the street, talking to Munch, and eating lunch with Casey. It was a Tuesday in this particular video, that's the daywhen Casey and her had lunch together every week. She popped the video out when she noticed a more worn one sitting on top of the VCR. He popped it into the machine and rewinded it. She hit play. Her eyes would not look away from the screen.

_Malone walked into the room. He made his bed. Then he left again. A few minutes later he re-entered carrying something, no someone, no her. He laid her gently on the bed. He slowly began doing something with her, what, her pants were soon on the floor, and her badge was placed on the nightstand by him. All the while she lay helplessly, yet looked peaceful like she had only fallen asleep. Then he began his business with her. He did it over and over and over._

Liv could not look away. She felt someone standing behind her now. She could not look away to see who it was. There was no movement in the room anymore though; she figured they were all watching.

_He eventually rolled over asleep. Soon Olivia began to wake up. She stumbled half naked around the room as though she was drunk, before hitting a wall. She turned her back the wall and slid down so she was sitting on the ground. She was holding her head in her hands. _

She remembered sitting there. The world around her strange and spinning.

_Olivia reached down for something and panic set in when it wasn't there. She looked around and began crawling wildly for something. Without standing up she pulled on her pants. Cautiously she stood and began frantically looking for something. Her eyes came to rest just past the man on the nightstand. She moved slowly to the nightstand and snatched her badge before quickly moving out of the room, and out of the camera view. Malone rolled over in his sleep. The screen went fuzzy._

The silence in the room was hard. Only the snow on the TV made any noise at all. No one knew what to say. Olivia was doing her best not to break down right there in front of everyone. She was not a stone, but she didn't not want to seem weak and she certainly didn't want to be told that she should take time off and talk to someone. It seemed to her the more she tried to get passed him the more he controlled her, and with that a soft stream of warm tears began down her face.

"I'm sorry," she turned to them as her tears that she could not hold back fell down her face. It was for them the first time she had shown anything but anger.

"It's going to be okay Olivia, really it will be okay," Cragen fought for some sort of control. A control that at this point they were all lacking. Casey was in the room too, Liv had not heard her enter but there she stood, a single tear falling from her eye for her best friend. Fin looked like he wanted to hit something, and Olivia was ready to volunteer for that. Munch had lost the sarcastic expression he normally had for a more compassionate one, the one he saved for the worst cases. Elliot was just as stunned as Olivia was, and was trying to hide his anger with compassion only to get a really confused and awkward expression on his face. It pained her to know that this man had taken something from her that could not be replaced, it was painful to know that he had taped it and watched it over and over, and had been following her for months. It was however, much worse to see the hurt, and pain in the eyes of those she loved. He didn't just hurt her, but he had hurt them. It was making her feel so guilty.

"I am so so sorry," She was outwardly crying now, "I didn't want to hurt you," this snapped them out of their thoughts.

"You didn't hurt us Liv," Elliot reached out to his partner and rubbed her arm.

"He hurt us Liv, he hurt us when he hurt you," Munch had a rational tone in his voice that he rarely used when just around them.

"I never wanted it to go this far," she managed through the tears.

"No one ever does," Fin shook his head.

* * *

**I was going to make this a songfic chapter but decided not to. I was going to use "Holy Water" but Big and Rich if you wanted to know. Anyhoo I think its TBC I may do one or two more, but its hard to do anything without sounding redunent. Please tell me what you think! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! **


	11. Chapter 11 Final Battle

**OMG sorry it took me so long to update. I think this is it unless someone finds a real large hole I need to fill. I have some action in this chapter, but it is mostly to tie up loose ends. Ah yes there is some extra swearing in this chap...you have been warned. R&R**

* * *

A general haze had settled over the members of the Special Victims Squad as they attempted to come to some sort of grip with the situation. They had somehow made their way back to the precinct with various pieces of evidence and yet none of them were exactly sure how they had done it. Somewhere in the haze Olivia Benson had asked for her gun back, and Elliot although concerned complied. "Give it back to me before you head home tonight," he had made her promise. She now sat at her desk and was staring at the door to the interview room where Malone still sat, no one attempted to make her look away. She found some mild comfort in knowing that she was armed at lest for the moment. 

"Move him to lock up already," Cragen finally growled. Fin and Elliot jumped and quickly walked to the door, "Try to get him there is one piece and alive guys," the two detectives sighed at their Captain's lack of trust although both of them did want this guy dead. They cuffed him and not so gently lifted him out of the chair in which he sat. Slowly they paraded him out of the interrogation room to the holding cell down stares. As they walked through the room where Munch, Cragen, and Olivia still sat a quite hush feel upon them. Everyone's gaze shifted between Olivia and Malone.

"Hello," Malone smiled as he spoke to Olivia and the detective contemplated whether or not to speak to him, or make eye contact, "So you aren't even going to look at me?" an annoyed tone was clear in his voice, "my love," a sick smile spread across his enraged face. Olivia stood from her seat behind her desk, resisting the urge to slap the man that seemed to control her every move. Malone began to struggle with Fin and Elliot, "Look at me!" He yelled, but she refused although everything in her was telling her just to look at him and get it over with. He was flailing around in the air now jumping and kicking attempting to get free from the two strong men's grasp.

"Get a hold of him!" Cragen was yelling, ironically from the safety of his office. However even the seasoned detectives were not prepared for such a fight. Malone was like a hungry pit bull before a fight. Although his hands still cuffed behind his back he was still able to throw his weight around enough for him to get free and the detectives to lose their balance. Manual dashed forward and headed straight for Liv. He tackled her and they were both on the ground.

"Look at me bitch!" he was yelling at her face as he struggled to hold on to her without any hands. Warm breath blowing on her face as the man she hated more then any other, more then the father she never knew, once again had control over her. This time she was not defence, no not this time. No this time she could fight back. She drew her gun as best as she could and lifted it as high as she possible could with the weight of the heavy man resisting her every move. She looked up to see Munch, and Cragen racing towards her, she pulled the trigger. Malone let out a howl of pain and rolled off of her into a ball. Springing up she trained her gun on his temple, right between his eyes. She visualized shooting him, the bullet entering his soft flesh, penetrating his skull, killing him as it ripped trough his brain. Nothing else seemed to matter, the world around her was blurring out, and she could only see him. A sudden realization that if she killed him that would be it, nothing else would matter anymore, it would mean the end of her career, the end of friendships, the loss of respect, but she would truly be free from his grasp. The possibility of being charged with a crime her self flashed briefly in her mind, countered by the look of gratitude on the other victim's faces when they buried the son of a bitch in the ground. Then she would be no better then him.

"Put down the gun Liv," Munch's strong voice sounded muffled in her ears. Her hands were shaking now.

"Shit," was all she said as she threw her gun down, and crouched next to the man who had controlled her life for the past month and now for a brief moment he need her to live. She took off her jacket and applied pressure to his bleeding thigh. "Somebody call for a bus," she yelled. Elliot was already on the phone. Munch had caught her tossed weapon, and placed it on her desk. Cragen was crouching next to Olivia.

"I got it Liv," He placed tried to slid his hands under hers to take over, but she did not move, "Olivia, I have it now," His voice more forceful, but she still refused to move, so the Captain motioned to Fin. The detective placed two forceful hands under Olivia's arms and heaved her up. She was slightly stunned, and struggled briefly, but eventually gave in. Cragen took over applying first aid as Olivia's pinstriped jacket turned a dark soggy blood stained mess. She was unsure whether she wanted to cry, or scream. As Fin carried her to her desk she yelled back,

"You stupid Son of a Bitch! Don't you die on me!" unsure of anything but the fact that if he died then he would have won; he would have the last laugh. As he placed her firmly in her seat, she could hear Malone laugh. Every time she went to stand he forced her to sit. She was facing away from Manuel when the EMTs showed up, the firm hand of Fin still on her shoulder. Within five minutes they had loaded him up and taken off.

"Well that was eventful," Elliot attempted to break the icy silence in the room.

"He better not die," was all Olivia said.

"You aim was off," Munch said sarcastically, "I though you would have been a little higher," Olivia rolled her eyes and chuckled.

"Yeah well I tried," she sighed and let her head flop back over her chair, "I really liked that jacket you know," her voice quit, "It wasn't cheap either, it was the jacket I bought when I made detective. Bought it in one of those fancy designer boutiques as a gift to myself. I am surprised it still fits after all these years. It had a good life; made it through some of the toughest cases, guess it finally had enough. At least it made it in one piece, no bullet holes or anything," she sighed at looked over at the bloody mess, "I'll miss you my friend" she said to her bloodied jacket.

"Liv it's just a jacket," Cragen said slightly concerned over her reaction to the object, "its not like it's a person or anything,"

"I suppose, but I really liked it, I was going to be buried in it,"

"Really?" Cragen seemed taken aback by the fact that she had her death already planned when he himself, the eldest, did not.

"No, but still," she paused an chuckled slightly, "Its getting better now," they smiled, not quite sure was she was going on about now, "I did it, I looked at him and it didn't bother me anymore, he does not have me anymore," her audience was unsure whether to be happy or serious about her comments. "I really could use a drink now, and a new jacket, anyone for a shopping and drinking trip?" She reached for her car keys and headed for the door. No one moved, "What?" she looked at the clock, "I got off duty ten minutes ago," they all looked at their watches, "Fine I'll go by myself then," and began to walk out of the precinct.

"Wait up," Cragen called, as he pulled on his jacket, Fin, Munch, and Elliot were right behind.

"I can't stay out to late," Elliot began, "It's my story night," he made reference to his children who he read stories too every other night.

* * *

Casey Novak was wearing a clean pressed suit as she always did in court. The entire SVU squad was sitting behind her along with all of Malone's victims. Judge Silverstine was presiding over the trial that had taken over two weeks. 

"Has the Jury reached a verdict?" she asked

"We have your Honour," a man in a clean business suit stood, "On one count of Murder in the first degree we find the defendant guilty, on seven counts of aggravated sexual assault we find the defendant guilty, on six counts of forcible confinement we find the defendant guilty, on two charges of assault causing bodily harm we find the defendant guilty, on one charge of criminal harassment we find the defendant guilty,"

"Thank you. The sentencing hearing will be tomorrow at three, this hearing is abjured," Happy sobs came from all the victims but Olivia, she remained composed he new brown Swede jacket almost like a shield. Casey turned to her friends.

"Wow only an hour and a half that's got to be the quickest deliberation ever," she looked pleased with her self, so they all smiled. Everyone began to file out of the courtroom, but the A.D.A and SVU. Soon they were the only ones sitting there.

"Well I for one am glad this case is over," Elliot said existed.

"Is it really ever over?" Olivia wondered aloud, "now we all go on with our lives, the next case, and soon this will only be another number on a box somewhere in storage,"

"Um, Olivia's having another morbid moment," Munch injected

"Sorry," she hung her head, "been having a lot of those lately, although not as many as before," a silence feel upon them. The trial had been difficult. Things that she had not wanted said were said, and in the end it was difficult to do the right thing, testify.

Only Casey knew Olivia was going to be called to the stand. They had talked the night when Olivia and the gang went shopping and for drinks. After the others had made sure she made it safely back to her apartment she called up her best friend. Together they decided it would be best for her to testify, but she did not want any of her colleagues to know after she had been so adamant not too. It was easier this way; Casey would have subpoenaed Liv anyway. Olivia wore her new jacket to court she wore it proudly, Fin began calling it her 'survivor coat' because she had survived being a detective thus far, and because he was hooked on the reality TV show. It became a little joke between them.

* * *

_She was the last victim called. The looks on her colleague's faces were priceless. Calmly she walked to the front of the courtroom. After she was sworn in it began._

_"Can you tell us what happened that night Detective," Casey began,_

_"I wanted to go out for a drink after work, so I headed over to the bar that was closest to my house,"_

_"Can you please tell the court why you went alone," the lawyer moved to stand between Olivia and Malone,_

_"Well my partner had his children's concert that night, Detective Tutuola and Detective Munch had been up the previous night on a though case, and well my best friend," she didn't say Casey's name because it may appear as a conflict of interest, "Had just finished a long day in court for the same case,"_

_"Had you ever seen Mr. Malone before that night,"_

_"No,"_

_And so it continued a whole lot of "yes" and "no", some more details. She had to re-tell all that she remembered, she had to talk about the steak-out, she had to watch the video again, and go through shooting Malone one last time. She never cried. And then the defence stood up._

_"You say you never saw my client before that night?"_

_"Yes,"_

_"How could you possible not notice a man following you around then?"_

_"Excuse me?"_

_"Well he must have followed you around if he has pictures of you in his house, well that is unless you put those there," finally the man moved from behind his desk over to the jury._

_"Why would I do that?"_

_"Because you had a one night stand with my client that you regret and are now trying to get even,"_

_"Objection!" Casey stood up_

_"Move on Consoler," The judge growled,_

_"Why did you not remove yourself from the case?"_

_"I stayed professional, there was no need to step down, I never interrogated the suspect," she managed to remember to say suspect instead of just him._

_"Why did you wait so long to report the 'attack'" he made the quotation single with his hands as he said 'attack'._

_"Because I was embarrassed and ashamed. I work with victims of assault everyday, and I didn't want to be one," Olivia's eyes were now trained on a spot on the floor._

_"No one 'wants' to be a victim detective. They," the man pointed his fat finger at the other victims, "They didn't want to be a victim either!" His voice rose, "They stepped forward, but many may not have had to if you had the courage to step forward detective. So in a sense you are as much to blame as my client for their attacks,"_

_"Objection your honour counsel is badgering the witness," Casey stood from her seat, and Olivia was glad she did not have to answer for the accusations he had made._

_"Are you finished counsellor," the judged asked the defence._

_"Just one more question sir," he turned his attention from the judge to Benson. "Why did you shoot my unarmed defenceless client while he was in police custody detective?"_

_"He got away from to strong detectives, managed to pin me to the ground, all the while his hands were cuffed behind his back. He didn't seem that defenceless to me. I defended myself." Olivia had been expecting that question but it angered her all the same. The lawyer moved his way back to his client._

_"That will be all," he tried to cover a look of insult; he did not get what he was expecting, which was unusually for a lawyer._

* * *

"Olivia?" Cragen said for the third time. She shook her head. 

"What?" she looked up like she had been woken up from a nap.

"I said are you ready to go?"

"Huh, oh, yeah I'm ready,"

"Liv I didn't want to say this till after the trail but my superiors have requested that you get a phsyc. eval. before returning to active duty,"

"God does everyone think I'm crazy?"

"I don't," Munch said in defence.

"That's not saying much coming from you,"

"Hey!" Munch pouted. She would never be the way she was before but she was getting more like normal everyday.

* * *

**So it comes to a close, I hope you all enjoyed the journey.**


End file.
